Kyle
The results of the election took me by surprise...
I haven’t known what to say about the election. So I haven't said much yet. I have had some time to think and process and write…
I stayed up late on Tuesday and saw the numbers coming in… it seemed like the projected ‘winners’ in each state were announced quickly… it was surprising. I kept my tv on but decided to try to sleep after midnight. I woke up at some point to Trump Announcing his victory… I assumed he was doing so preemptively…. And went back to sleep. I woke up when my alarm went off and couldn’t fathom what I was seeing… that overnight millions of Americans, some of whom I love…some with whom there had been a mutual understanding of respect…. Had voted for Trump.
I support democracy and support people voting for the person of their choice. That’s what I was fighting for… but seeing the choices to support Trump as our next president did something to me… Words are usually something I am pretty good with…. But I haven’t been able to find the words to describe how this has felt, how it feels…
One word that surfaced is BROKEN…. But that’s not truly accurate. I grew up believing that good always trumps evil…. I grew up believing that you treat people the way you want to be treated… that integrity, doing the right thing- even when no one is looking, is perhaps the most important quality a person can possess… that people should be judged on who they are- not what they look like- not their net worth- not who they love… I was taught and believe that the way in which a society treats its most vulnerable shows a lot about that society….
I was given hope that women could achieve the same as men… I was taught that it was wrong to discriminate… While having these ideals and beliefs I was very aware that not everyone acted in ways that reflect them… But here’s the thing…. I have always believed that even if some people did not treat others in these ways that ‘justice for all’ and ‘all men [and women] are created equal’ that it was a shared ideology…
I believed we, as Americans, shared the aspirations of wanting to grow, wanting everyone to find success, to achieve the 'American Dream'… which is based on immigration…it was those threads I believed that we all have in common… I have believed that as a country we believe in creating opportunities and helping others find them… I have believed that people are inherently good and want good for others… that we help and protect each other… and even more want to protect those who are more at risk…those who are most vulnerable…
As I have been thinking about all of this I have been reflecting… and something made me think of a memory from junior high.
I remember being dropped off at the local, one screen, theater to watch a movie with friends. The theater had a fairly small lobby. There was one of those velvet ropes that separated where we stood while we waited to get our tickets from the concession stand and entrance to the theater. We would arrive early and as we waited for them to start selling tickets-the line of teenagers began extending up the stairs to the balcony area… One of our classmates, Kyle, was there most weeks. Kyle was one of the best known kids in our class, maybe our school.
Kyle had Downs Syndrome. He was a sweet person and trusted people without hesitation. It was one of his amazing qualities… I remember times when we were standing in line and some of our peers would tell Kyle to do things… like dance… Kyle loved to dance- and he would oblige…. He thought his ‘friends’ were cheering him on and laughing WITH him… but most were laughing AT him…. Peers would tell him to say inappropriate things like swearing or sexualized phrases… and Kyle would do so, loudly and received a lot of attention for it.
When I saw this happening I would get close to Kyle and tell him to stop and tell him what he was saying it wasn’t nice or appropriate. Kyle listened to me. I had been paired with him as a peer tutor in second grade and that relationship continued through elementary school… Kyle trusted me and when I interrupted his behavior at the movie theater; he would stop and apologize to me. I told him he didn’t need to apologize- that it was the other kids who needed to apologize because they were getting him to do bad things.
For my actions I was called a ‘retard lover.’ I had peers who would imitate Kyle’s speech pattern and make awkward hand gestures… and when others laughed at them, and they tried to gain even more laughter by imitating Kyle’s speech impediment and say.. “Guess I should go see Kim.”
I hated seeing Kyle mocked. I never hesitated to step in to protect him from the people who claimed to be his friend when in the presence of our teachers or other adults… but who made fun of him- used him for their entertainment at the movies. I didn’t care that they called me names.
At different times I have shared that story with people and the response I have gotten was getting credit for standing up for him while standing up against my peers… I have been asked why I did that- or who taught me to stand up for people…
I have been thinking about it differently since the election… and think what odd questions - it speaks to what I believe may explain how I feel about this election.
Those questions are focused on me- why I stood up- why I wanted to protect a friend…. But why were the questions not focused on the other kids? Why did they do that? Why would they mock Kyle? Who taught them that was ok? And why did they want to use a vulnerable classmate as entertainment vs. looking out for him? Those are better questions.
Despite being in that theater where more kids were egging Kyle on to misbehave and wanting to laugh at him and people standing by silently than there were people standing up for him… I have always believed that there are more protectors in the world than there are of those who do harm, those who want to do harm. That is the way I have wanted the world to be… that there are more people who want to help vs those who capitalize on and manipulate someone’s vulnerabilities.
This election has shaken that paradigm…
I am almost 50 years old… and after being a peer tutor for Kyle I decided, at age seven, I wanted to be a teacher… My mom told me in second grade I came home and told her I was going to help kids like Kyle forever. I worked with Kyle in elementary school and a little in junior high… in high school I did not work with Kyle but during my study halls I walked to the elementary school next door and worked with kids who needed help reading. In college I majored in special education… worked as a special ed teacher for 14 years and then became a school administrator…. As an educator I have always worked to support students- and much of that work has been with marginalized students…the work is hard.
That work that I have done and other phenomenal educators have done has been good work…and those who are MAGA (and I am not including ALL Republicans in that classification) are perversely changing that good work to being called ‘indoctrination’ or being ‘woke.’ How is feeding hungry children whose families do not have food wrong but buying bibles to be placed in classrooms in a country based on separation of church and state right?
The Department of Education is going away under this administration. This one piece of Project 2025 attacks my livelihood, which as many educators may relate, is part of my identity. Being an educator is so much a part of who I am.
The changes will eliminate federal funds that provide special education services. Any funding that is provided is conditional, depending on the content being taught… and the boundary between church and state will be dissolved… it invalidates the work of so many local colleagues and other hard working educators across the country.
So many other components of this next administration will invalidate so much of what I have loved and respected about this country. This feels like I, who I am along with my beliefs... it feels like I am being invalidated...
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